Terry

For your literary pleasure

Saturday, November 8th, 2008
by Terry

Noah reads “Clifford makes a friend”

Follow the Election Results

Tuesday, November 4th, 2008
by Terry

Thank you Google!

The Lego Related Injury

Sunday, September 14th, 2008
by Terry

Otherwise known as the LRI. A LRI as not an easy thing to obtain. Snapping pieces together you could pinch your skin between them. Choking on legos is a wide spread issue with the youngsters. Another lego related injury comes from stepping on one thus causing great pain and the use of many four letter words. There is one category that is so rare the DoLRIM (diganosis of lego related injuries manual) does not at this time even have an entry for. That is the snapping shot injury. A snapping shot injury occurs when a frustrated person forcibly snaps 2 lego pieces together in such a way that is causes one lego brick to shoot up into the air and nail the person right in the lip. That person can recieve a.) a bloody lip b.) a weeping bloody flesh wound just above the lip and between the nose. c.) cuts and abrasions upon the inside of the lip from pressure on the outside of the injury d.) great amounts of embarrassment from ones peers. Now some say this type of LRI does not exist. My wife however would disagree with you as she obtained such an injury this past Saturday. Its ok love it will be ok, no one ever reads this blog anyway.

Update on Noah’s Hair

Thursday, September 4th, 2008
by Terry

I have been asked no less than 25 times: Is it long enough to donate yet dad?

I love my son so very much, words cannot begin to express how deeply proud I am of him.

This is going to be a long ride. No picture because he basically has no hair. He got a short hair cut at the start of the summer. It was just trimmed up 2 weeks ago. Estimated time of delivery: 439 days from now.

Harvesting of the Hair

Saturday, August 23rd, 2008
by Terry

Well after almost two years of growing out my hair the time had come to donate it. Locks of Love will take almost any hair to help provide hairpieces to children that are balding because of medical treatments. All my life I have had short hair. Three inches long was I think the longest I had ever let it grow. To tell the truth I had the same hair cut for well over thirty years. When I heard about the Locks of Love program I toyed with the idea of growing it out to donate. Two years later and several tormented moments of me with the clippers in my hand debating shaving it all off some child will be able to go out in public and not feel awkward. Hair is a funny thing, it is interesting that people who have no hair feel embarrassed while males with long hair sometimes feel looked down upon. I know that towards the end of this experiment I began to get looks from people that gave me the feeling they were putting me automatically into a stereotype of the long haired hippie. Am I going to do it again? You bet, it is such a small sacrifice that I can make to help these children. Having grown out my hair and felt the eyes upon me I think I can now relate to them and have a bit more empathy for their situation in public circles.

Imperial units for the Fecal Load

Monday, August 18th, 2008
by Terry

I have heard the expression “shitload” an awful lot. I myself have used it many time but exactly how much is a shit load? Well that tomb of universal knowledge known as Wikipedia could not answer that one for me. So I turned to the next best thing… The Urban Dictionary. Here is what I found.

The base unit for fecal “loads”. Not a whole lot, but will still take a large amount of time to do or be really hard to carry
IE: That’s a buttload (aka shitpot) of comics.

The other fecal loads follow suit as such:
buttload x10 = assload x10 = crapload x10 = shitload x10 = fuckload.
Metric units are traditionally less, and between the said unit and the one before it.
IE: dude, that’s not a shitload. that’s barely even an assload. its like, a metric assload.

Other variations will end with the mythical “Fuckton” . I am not sure of the actual measurement but I believe it to be fuckload x10.

IE: I used to have a shitload of paperwork to do but now under the new management I have an Imperial Fuckton. To make up for it I am going to take a shitpot of post-it notes and staples home with me.

3 reasons why mowing the lawn is a good idea

Wednesday, August 6th, 2008
by Terry

You never know what riches you will find amidst the grass. I had a neighbor once that found a car in his backyard after mowing. I found a car once, but it was a hot wheel.

Take your revenge on that long long “The Leaves of Grass” poem. Honestly how many pages can you write about grass. Makes me feel good to mow that stuff down.
You can sing to the grass as you butcher it “it aint easy being green”

Bored…

Monday, August 4th, 2008
by Terry

OK so this is what happens when I get bored on a Sunday morning. The direct comment from Noah was “your weird dad, where is my omelet?” So ya that worked out well for me. At least Carrie giggled.

Operators are standing by

Thursday, July 31st, 2008
by Terry

We just started to give Noah access to the television this summer. I realize that I have been lax in monitoring what he watches. I have locked him out of most channels except history and cartoon ones. Given today’s TV standards I should still monitor more than that. This morning I was hit with the TV influence upside the head. I was getting some coffee when he blasted me with this bit of wisdom. He asked if he could have breakfast and I told him that I would make it after I finished pouring my coffee. To that he responded - “You have to act now because operators are standing by.” What more could do but to make him some waffles.